In Defense of Fruitcake

Carl Weaver, I am dedicating this to you.

Carl likes fruitcake. And I have to admit that there is some mighty fine fruitcake out there. It really doesn't deserve the fear and loathing it seems to generate. I mean fruit, nuts and cake are involved - what's wrong with that?

USA Today contained the results of an online survey of 3,600 apparently insane people. Respondents were asked about their holiday snacking plans. Fruitcake came in last at 11% (behind even trail mix at 12%). This must have been multiple choice, who even THINKS of trail mix as a holiday snack? The number one choice was cookies with 65% - which I wholeheartedly agree with. I worship Christmas cookies and making them used to be a tradition for my family. I have a lot of good memories surrounding the Christmas cookie. And Christmas cookie dough. Mmmmmm............cookie dough.....I need a moment.

But number 2, number 2 was VEGETABLES! WTF! VEGETABLES BEAT OUT CHOCOLATE! Who in their right mind when asked about holiday snacking, says, "Oh yes, I plan to eat vegetables as my holiday snack." What about Chex Mix? What about peanuts or mixed nuts? What about nachos? Or chips and dip? What about those little hot dogs or wings or meatballs? What about snack cakes like Little Debbie? What about ice cream? What about cheese and crackers? What about FRUIT for God's sake? What about chocolate covered cherries? What about candy canes and Tootsie Rolls or any candy? VEGETABLES BEAT CANDY?

Now clearly some of these people are just plain lying. We do not have an obesity epidemic because people are snacking on vegetables. Some other possibilities are:

They were too embarrassed to document the fact that they were planning to sit around eating frosting out of the can.

They are confused by candy corn and jelly beans.

They really are PLANNING to eat veggies, but know that's just a fantasy and they will be heading straight for the Fritos and Velveeta.

They thought the vegetables would be covered in chocolate or powdered sugar or fried. Or fried, then covered in powdered sugar and chocolate. Ho, ho, ho!

Three vegetable farmers each responded 1,200 times.

They had the shakes so bad from crashing after all the sugar they've been eating, they hit the wrong key on their keyboards.

And the number one reason they might have responded this way:

Vegetables ARE their snack because cookies and chocolate are the main course!

And if any of you really are dead set on snacking on vegetables, feel free to send all other snacking items to me. Even fruitcake.