The Fog of Dating

Last week I spoke at the NCACPA's Emerging Leaders conference. It's for their younger members (under 35). After my session, a group of us got involved in a discussion about dating. This is the perfect audience for me - most of them were single too. (Now I don't mean to date, I mean to commiserate with!) In most of my audiences, everyone is married.

The discussion we got into was what exactly counted as a date. Now I found this interesting. Usually I figure if a man asks me out for a drink or coffee or a meal, and he's not married, a business contact or a friend of mine, it's a date. I think all of these match.com meetings are dates. But here was the discussion - one of the women said it was a date only if you kissed at the end. The rest of us disagreed. We felt if the man paid, it was a date. (Although I have paid on occasion just to get the hell out of a date.)

The truth is, I never really thought this was a topic that was open for debate. I've known several men who asked me on our first date if we could have a "real" date. (Poor guys didn't realize that was the real date and they blew it.) I've always known that men hate to call anything a date and anything short of marriage a relationship. (Hell, some don't even consider marriage a relationship.) But I didn't realize that what a date actually is was a matter of debate for women.

I don't kiss the majority of men I go on first dates with, but I'm still sure I was on a date. I can agree that a really good date ends with a kiss, but a bad date ends with either or both parties trying to get the hell out of there ASAP. But it was still a date! What do you think, readers? What the heck is a date? Am I wrong?

Hey gang - let's see what Wikipedia says! (Italics are my insightful comments.)

Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. (Typically two - i.e. don't be bringing your friends or your Blackberry!) The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.

In many cultural traditions, a date may be arranged by a third party, who may be a family member, acquaintance, or professional matchmaker. Recently internet dating has become popular. (God help us all, especially me.)

Although dating etiquette in Western culture has become more relaxed during the twentieth century, there are considerable differences between social and personal values. For example, when an activity costs money (for example, a meal), traditionally the man was expected to pay; but in recent times the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has become more common and more acceptable. (I am totally biased here - if a man doesn't pay on our first date, it's over for me. One guy actually pushed the check toward me and said - "I'll get it next time." Needless to say - there was no next time. It's not about the money - we can just do coffee - it doesn't have to be expensive. It's about making me feel cared for.)

The average duration of courtship before proceeding to engagement or marriage varies considerably throughout the world. (Ain't that the damn truth.)

Nothing there about kissing, but there is a mention of the man paying.

I guess dating is in the eye of the beholder. One person might think they are on a date, and the other might think they are......well, on the moon.

The only time it has ever been murky for me is when a man I thought was just my friend thought we were on a date. I was usually clueless until the bill came. If he tried to pay for everything, I would fight him. I didn't want there to be any doubt about things. Usually after the bill battle, he would blurt out something like - don't you know that I'm attracted to you? Um.......no? Thank God none of these friends have ever tried to kiss me. I'm so damn blunt it never gets to that point.

So many things are in the eye of the beholder. One person is planning your wedding, the other person is planning his escape. A neighbor thinks you hate him, when you just like your privacy and have never given him a thought. Some people like peanut butter, some people (clearly insane) don't. It's so easy to be convinced things are one way, when they really are another. The older I get, the less I know. Hell, when I started writing this post, I was sure I knew when I was on a date, and by the end, I realized I've been on someone else's date when I thought I wasn't.

Keep an open mind - realize your reality is not the only one. Heck - you might be dating someone right now and not even know it!

Trader Joe's Chocolate Treats

Trader Joe's has cool stuff and it changes all the time. So some of these might be there if you go one time and not be there another time. But that's okay - it's all part of the fun! The people who work there are so fun and friendly - if you haven't been in a Trader Joe's yet - you should go - it's fun to shop there and they have cool, funky stuff. Let's check out some of their treats:

These dark chocolate covered caramels are delish. They are the chewy kind, the kind I really like:

This is a good, solid caramel. The best in the world, no. But damn good - yes. I have nothing bad to say about these babies.

Now, Joe's Almond in the Coconut is sent straight from heaven:

What makes them so good is revealed in the autopsy:

How brilliant is that? The almonds are chopped up and put in with the coconut! (Not like Almond Joy with one lone almond sitting up on top - this is SO much better! Why didn't anyone think of this before now?) The coconut is moist and delicious - these are fabulous!!!

Not so fabulous, but appealing to health nuts:

If you really like edamame (roasted soybeans), you'll probably love these. And they really aren't bad, I'd just rather have peanuts or almonds or raisins or cashews or pecans or blueberries or JUST ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE covered in chocolate.

Speaking of almonds - look at these two variations:

The first ones are sprinkled with sea salt and turbinando sugar and they are incredible!!!!

No, I didn't know what the heck turbinado sugar was, but Wikipedia does:

Turbinado sugar, also known as turbinated sugar, is made from sugar cane extract. It is produced by crushing freshly cut sugar cane; the juice obtained is evaporated by heat, then crystallized. The crystals are spun in a centrifuge, or turbine (thus the name), to remove excess moisture, resulting in the characteristic large, light brown crystals.[1][2][3]
Turbinado sugar is similar in appearance to brown sugar but paler, with larger crystals, and in general the two can be exchanged freely in recipes. Turbinado sugar differs from refined white sugar in that it is obtained or crystallized from the initial pressing of sugar cane.

So basically, these almonds are coated in dark chocolate, then sprinkled with sea salt and big hunks of brown sugar. They are amazing and delicious and different. YUMMY!!

The second set are also dipped in dark chocolate, but are then then rolled in black cocoa. They too are very good, although I really like the first ones better. The cocoa they are rolled in makes them extra chocolaty but in a more sophisticated way than just chocolate covered almonds. They are very, very good. The only drawback is the the dark cocoa powder gets all over everything! But there's something kind of fun about that. It looks like toner - no one would guess it's really chocolate.

Now you know there would have to be some peanut butter treats! These are milk chocolate covered mini peanut butter crackers:

These were not bad, but they were not my favorite. In fact, I could take or leave these. I think they were too crackery and not peanut buttery enough. But you all know I have peanut butter issues. Hell, let's face it - George Washington Carver is my dealer and peanut butter is my crack.

And that's why I could not stop eating these - OMG they are good!!!!! (Notice this package is the largest of all and is empty.)

These give Reese's a serious run for the money. Look at that delicious, oozing, creamy peanut butter! They literally melt in your mouth. If you get nothing else at Trader Joe's get these. However, do not blame me when you can't stop eating them. Blame George.

Trader Joe's is a great lesson in retailing - give people cool stuff, make it of high quality, and make shopping a fun, funky experience. They don't really compete with traditional grocery stores or health food stores because they are so unique. It's fun - you deserve some fun - get thee to a Trader Joe's. Or just sit around and be miserable - the choice is yours.

Peppermint Chocolate Cake Recipe

3/4 cup butter, softened
1-2/3 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup cocoa
1-1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1-1/3 cups water
1/2 cup hard peppermint candy, optional (finely crushed)

Frosting
6 tbsp. butter or margarine, softened
2-2/3 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans or one 13x9x2-inch baking pan.
   
   
2. In large mixer bowl, combine butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla; beat on high speed of electric mixer 3 minutes.
   
   
3. Stir together flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt, and baking powder. Add alternately with water to butter mixture, beating until blended. Stir in peppermint candy, if desired.
   
   
4. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.
   
   
5. Frost. Just before serving, garnish with peppermint candy, if desired. 8 to 10 servings.

Peanut Butter Payback

I told you all about the f'ing sorbet that was given to us as a lame excuse for dessert and that we were going to get peanut butter mousse as payback. Well, let me tell you - revenge has never been so sweet!

My dessert loving friends Beth Bowen and Tracy Seabrook and I (all serious sorbet haters) went to Mez, a fantastic contemporary Mexican restaurant http://www.mezdurham.com/index.shtml to get our payback. I mean, one evil sorbet must be countered with one kick-ass dessert. Things in the Universe have to be kept in balance. (And once peanut butter mousse was mentioned, we had been able to think of little else.)

Take a look at this:

That's a scoop of the lightest, creamiest peanut butter mousse EVER covered with an equally delicious chocolate ganache. Those are toasted peanuts around the edge with a caramel drizzle. Can you say "died and gone to heaven"? Tracy did an impressive imitation of Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" during the famous orgasm faking scene. Let's just say heads were turning and we didn't care. This was the best dessert EVER!

Saving the world from sorbet requires attention to detail. Sometimes you have to lick a plate or two.

After such a life changing event, we decided to become permanent dessert crime fighters. I present to you, for the betterment of mankind, the Sorbet Sistahs:

Vowing to never accept something as lame as sorbet for dessert, we are committed to trying the best desserts the world has to offer. Our goal is to tip the balance so far away from sorbet, that chefs everywhere will be ashamed to try and push that crap off as dessert.

The Sorbet Sistahs - saving the world, one dessert at a time.

Cereal - It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

Heck - cereal can be lunch, dinner - even dessert! (Credit must be given to Jerry for always eating cereal on Seinfeld.) I've always been a fan of Mini Wheats - I can eat those babies right out of the box. Love them! So imagine my joy to see these:

Now I have to tell you, I was prepared not to like these. I thought they would be too chocolately. But I was wrong - they are perfect! I adore them!! The perfect touch of chocolate added to the traditional Mini-Wheat. My only complaint is that they are Little Bites which are half the size of Mini-Wheats. I think Mini-Wheats are the perfect size. However, these could be good in trail mix where regular Mini-Wheats are too big. If I'm honest, I bet it's because this size fits better into kid mouths. I mean, how many 44 year-old women are sitting around eating these? Well done, Kellogg's - these rock!!

I also paid a visit to Trader Joe's - a cool, funky place I love to shop. They are big on organic. This is a Trader Joe's brand cereal:

These are "Whole Grain Chocolatey-Filled Cereal Bites" (Chocolatey? Sounds like mockolate to me). They actually taste like they look - too wheaty. Like chocolate in a cracker, a not good cracker. I didn't like these at all. It might be organic, but it ain't good.

Now this looked like it had a LOT of promise:

I mean what could be better than peanut butter puffs, right? WRONG!!!! These are just so very bad. They very remotely taste like peanut butter but they mostly taste like plastic? rice? Puffin? Something creepy I can't really identify. GLAACK!!

I say if you are going to eat cereal that has chocolate or peanut butter as a primary ingredient, it should ROCK!!!! Otherwise it should have lots of fiber and be healthy as hell.

Everything we eat should either be really delicious OR really good for us. Otherwise, why bother? Too often we don't really think about it, we just grab something. It's kind of like life - we should either spend time doing something we really enjoy or that makes us better. But too often we just waste time - doing whatever is easy or whatever our friends are doing.

A great life requires eternal vigilance - you have to ask yourself - do I really like this? If it's not that great - stop eating it!! Ask yourself am I having fun? Am I learning something? If not, why am I staying here? Be conscious - choose better.

And pass on the Puffins.

F'ing Sorbet

I am a sick, sick woman. I love sweets. I now have so much chocolate and candy in my house, it's scary. If I do have a date that I actually bring home, he'll be blogging about the freaky candy lady. Clearly the base of my food pyramid is sugar, fat and cocoa butter. And you know what? I like it like that!!! Because of this sickness, when I attend a luncheon or a dinner, I always want to know what dessert is going to be. Who cares about the entree?

Recently I was at a dinner with my new cool friend, Tracy and several of our buddies. I had spent most of the meal wondering what dessert would be. When the plates had been cleared, I wondered this out loud. I told everyone to keep their expectations low, it might be the most dreaded of all desserts - sorbet. Knowing that that was a remote long shot. Of course, no one listened and one friend started telling about a dessert she recently had that involved peanut butter mousse. (Holy God!) I told everyone about the awesome chocolate pyramid at the CPA Dinner. Soon the dessert arrived! I'll be damned. Oh yeah, you guessed it - sorbet.

Tracy immediately takes a picture and posts it on her Facebook page:







with the caption "F'ing sorbet!" (That would be my thumb.) Tracy is my new best friend. I like her way with words.

I want to get a t-shirt that says that. Maybe start a band called F'ing Sorbet.

I mean, really? Sorbet? Who gets excited about that? What could be more anticlimactic? That dessert is a great disappointment. I wished I had eaten more bread.

We're going to the restaurant with the peanut butter mousse on Monday. It's payback time!

Along the lines of sorbet, no one has yet to do anything decent with yogurt and chocolate. I reviewed that heinous Weight Watcher's stuff a while back. Boston Cream Pie? I don't think so. Well someone at Breyers lost their mind and came up with this:



Aw - look at that - it's called Inspirations - how motivational! Look how great it looks in the picture! In real life? No so much:

Inspirations? Yeah that inspires me to reconsider sorbet.

Let's compare reality with Breyers' fantasy:

GLACK!!! These suck! Sorry, but I love yogurt. This is horrible. The chocolate chips are good, but Breyers should stick with low fat ice cream. Pass on these - they're just nasty.

Apparently the temptation to do something with chocolate and yogurt is just too much. Here's Yoplait's latest entry:

Delights. Delights, Inspirations - bring it down a notch, people. Delight is what I think peanut butter mousse would be. This ain't that delightful. It's better than the Breyers stuff and had 40 less calories, but Jello low fat pudding is like a million times better and has 60 calories.

Here's the bottom line - regular yogurt is way better than both of these. So far if you want chocolate, you're better off with frozen yogurt or low fat ice cream or even pudding. I love chocolate, but yogurt may just not be the venue.

And don't even TRY to give me chocolate sorbet!!!!

Tootsie Rolls Saved Me $900!

I'm a pretty good flosser. Not a great flosser, but a pretty good flosser. At least every other day. Well lately, I've been fighting with one of my teeth. The floss gets stuck or breaks. To be honest, it pisses me off. It seems like I'm worse off than before I flossed! Instead of whatever else was there, now I have that AND dental floss jammed between my teeth! GRRR!

I guess it really doesn't take much to piss me off sometimes. (Note to self - reread "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.")

Anyway, this had been annoying me for a couple of weeks. Then one day I was chomping on a beloved Tootsie Roll when I swear I felt that tooth (actually a crown) move. With a chomp. Like it was loose! I might live in the South, but I have all my teeth. Even my wisdom teeth. And I plan on keeping them.

I called the dentist.

Saw him today - told him my story (even said a Tootsie Roll was involved). He checked it out. Sure enough, the crown was loose. He popped it out, cleaned everything, and re-cemented it right back in. He told me if I had waited several more weeks, he probably would have had to replace the crown costing me $900! Holy Healthcare, Batman!

If it wasn't for the Tootsie Roll I wouldn't have realized the crown was loose. I would have just kept being pissed off about the dental floss. Probably would have eventually flossed it right out of its socket in a fit of rage when the floss broke for the 8th time. I might have swallowed it and choked to death. Hell, Tootsie Rolls didn't just save me $900, Tootsie Rolls saved my life.

More proof there really is a higher power and that it is Chocolate. (Or at least chocolate flavored.)